When it comes to enjoying a healthy sex life you can be your own worst enemy. To be more accurate your past, inhibitions, anxieties, insecurities, and inexperience can be your worst enemy. These are all things that can contribute to sexual hangups. Until you figure out how to manage these, you won’t have the kind of sex life you deserve.
No worries! You can overcome your sexual hangups. Start by applying these seven tips for a better love life!
A hangup is something that prevents you from doing what you want to do. It may come from within - anxiety or low-self esteem. Some hang ups are external. For example, you’re constantly disrupted or can’t get on the same page with your partner’s libido.
A boundary is something that you are unwilling to do. You may have decided that there are certain things that you are uncomfortable with, such as sending nudes. Someone may tell you that you have a hangup over that. In reality, you have set a boundary, and it isn’t something you need to fix or get over. You want to get over your hangups so you can have fun when you have sex, not so you please others.
Start the process of getting over your hangups by making sex a priority, not an afterthought. This is so important, particularly if you convince yourself that the time isn’t right for sex, the house isn’t clean enough, or that you have other things to do. It’s okay to have sex, to look forward to it, and to make it something you carve out time to do.
Talk to your partner about having sex more regularly. Yes, that means putting it on your calendar. Does that make you both predictable? Maybe, but it also shows that this kind of intimacy is important to both of you.
Next, create a space for having sex. No, it doesn’t need to be a sex room. Your bedroom is fine. Buy some candles and some luxurious sheets and blankets. Bring them out only when you plan to enjoy sex. Yes, this includes your solo playtime too.
Is your hangup talking about or initiating sex? That can be difficult for you and your partner both. They may feel unloved or as if you are uninterested if you don’t ask for sex and they’re always the one to get the ball rolling. At the same time, you may feel awkward and embarrassed asking for sex outloud or engaging in pillow talk during the act.
First, remember that you don’t have to be brash or loud to be confident and express your desires. Do what works for you and your personality. Come up with a non-verbal cue. Send naughty texts. The more comfortable you feel talking about sex the more likely you will be to talk to your lover about what you like and when you want it. It also helps to have someone who has similar values and approach to sex as you. Here’s where you can get startedon your search.
If you struggle with body image and that causes you to be uncomfortable during sex, you aren’t alone. Many people struggle with this, and it’s important to understand that you don’t need to change your body to have an amazing sex life. So, instead of focusing on change and improvement, think about treasuring your body the way it is and doing things to treat yourself well just the way you are.
Exercise for your health, not your shape. Get a massage. Take a luxurious bath.
It’s so hard to enjoy sex when you don’t like the way the most intimate parts of your body look. Sadly, this is also a common struggle. Men worry that they aren’t big enough or that they can’t last long enough. Women look at their breasts, thighs, and labia through the lens of what they see on the screen.
The truth is that none of us are airbrushed, photoshopped, or filtered. We have stretch marks, scars, and lines. Spend some time in front of the mirror without engaging in self criticism as you remind yourself that there are more bodies in the world like yours than any super model or porn star.
Fear of disruption is another common hangup. Nobody wants to have a family member or visitor walk in on them. This is especially true if you live with your parents or have kids. Do yourself a favor and take away this source of anxiety. Get a lock for your bedroom door and use it!
What if you can’t seem to extract yourself from your hangups no matter how hard you try? Don’t give up. Past traumas, oppressive thought patterns, and anxieties are just a few things that can act as roadblocks to a healthy sex life. There’s absolutely no shame in reaching out to a counselor, physician, or sex therapist to help you with this. Sometimes, you can improve your situation by talking to the right person. There are also medications that can help you enjoy sex again or for the first time ever.
Most of us have hang ups. They can be frustrating - sometimes embarrassing. Just remember that you can overcome yours, and have the sex life you’ve only dreamt of.