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Quien es mas macho: George W or Larry the Cable Guy? « The Washington Independent

This morning as I sat trying to cope with the sudden collapse of the Chicago White Sox, I was quickly alerted to an urgent message by President George W. Bush. Walking out into the rain-soaked Rose Garden, our commander in chief said the following:

“We are going to get a package passed.”

“We will rise to the occasion.”

“There is no disagreement that something substantial should be done.”

Um, yeah. In contemplating this earth-shaking news, I turned to the one alternative perspective I can trust in this time of crisis: Larry the Cable Guy. For those of you not familiar with Larry, He’s the guy with a cutoff shirt and trucker hat with the catchphrase “Git-R-Done.” Here now is Larry’s assessment of our economic meltdown from his website:

“GIT-R-DONE!! It’s been a while since the last update so here it goes… Well I had the dreaded prostate check. It actually wasn’t that bad other then my doctor needs to cut his fingernails! OUCH! It also kinda bugged me that before the exam he dimmed the lights and put on a Richard Marx CD! The test went well and he found no polyps, however he did locate a silver superball I lost in ‘75. My buddy Daryl and his wife are pregnant. Not Daryl, his wife. Ya know the home pregnancy test? They did the Mobile Home Pregnancy test. Not only does it tell the sex of the baby, but also tells you what NASCAR race is closest to the due date! How cool is that?”

So to translate: Larry the Cable Guy does think the bailout pacakage will be passed before the day is out, with a bipartisan bill that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will bring to the floor. I will now resume the depths of a depression knowing that the White Sox will not make the postseason while the Noth Side infidel Cubs will sweep their way to a World Series win. Yes, the apocolypse is upon us and if my contractor Freddy hadn’t jacked up his prices, I’d be safely locked in my safe room complete with Gatorade, a stack of DVDS and enough comic books to last me for the next ten years.

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