Cheney Lauds Palin as ‘Cold-Blooded Gal of My Dreams’
Image has not been found. URL: /wp-content/uploads/2008/09/99896224_dd158f3650_b.jpgDick Cheney has a soft spot for a hard-nosed woman. (Flickr: G30W0rk)
Vice President Dick Cheney said today that he expects Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin not only to make the transition to his office next January a smooth one, but to so closely match his style and philosophy as to seem a virtual female clone.
“She’s the ruthless, cold-blooded gal of my dreams,” Cheney burbled to a reporter. “Everything I’ve heard and read about her — firing her entire staff and only hiring back those willing to swear an oath of personal loyalty; vengefully hounding her own ex-brother-in-law out of a job; standing up for book-burning when the mob was screaming ‘No!’ — works for me. It all tells me she’s got what it takes to not only run the country behind its back and the president’s but also, in the process, teach the quibblers and critics lessons they better not forget. Now get out.”
Image has not been found. URL: http://www.washingtonindependent.com.php5-9.websitetestlink.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/jaundiced_i_medium.jpg]()Palin is said to have invited fellow NRA sportsman Cheney up to her native Wasilla, Alaska, for the annual October slaughter of captured polar bears in her backyard before they can break loose and eat all the local children.
Taking a cue from her future predecessor’s notorious 2001 secret energy conference, Palin has already held three family meetings — without telling any members of her family.
Palin’s political performance, insiders say, impresses Mr. Cheney as almost freakishly in tune with the Bush-Cheney agenda. For example, she has started out with budget surpluses and quickly plunged her constituency into debt.
“No position she takes — abortion, creationism, you name it — is too extreme,” an admirer points out. “She’s not afraid to shoot off her mouth even when she knows she doesn’t know what she’s shooting off her mouth about.”
Cheney has reportedly advised Palin about surrounding herself with neo-cons, yes-men, cronies and lobbyists once she takes office in January.
“Get a lot of them,” was the vice president’s advice.
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”