Wikipolicy Adviser: An Argument Against The Very Possibility Of Randy Scheunemann’s Existence

I’m late in seeing this, but LOLOLOLOL John McCain basically cut and pasted his bellicose posturing on Georgia/Russia/South Ossetia from Wikipedia. Lots of people have had fun with this, but I think it has a deeper significance. Namely: I don’t believe senior McCain foreign-policy adviser Randy Scheunemann actually exists. I believe Randy Scheunemann is the human face of a series of Wikipedia searches. An actor portrays the character of “Randy Scheunemann” to keep the truth from coming out. Let’s explore how this works:

• Randy Scheunemann is comically corrupt. Matt Duss at ThinkProgress’ Wonk Room has done the real work here. The Alleged Scheunemann is a lobbyist for the Republic of Georgia who made his firm $2 million off the Rose Revolution and in the process firmed up McCain’s ossified anti-Russian sensibilities. *This just can’t be real. *John McCain is not a dim bulb. He would not hire someone with such an obvious conflict of interest. Alleged Scheunemann is merely a ploy to keep the Russians guessing.
• Randy Scheunemann is a friend of Ahmed Chalabi. You know, the once and future midget-king of Baghdad? The Iranian “liaison” who manipulated credulous neocons and presidents into getting the U.S. mired in an un-winnable conflict? Again, John McCain is not a stupid man. He knows better than to keep someone close to Chalabi in his inner circle. Instead, he’s just trying not to hurt Chalabi’s feelings. Why be a jerk, you know? If there was ever an actual Scheunemann, he was killed by a Russian operative long ago, and McCain is exploiting the opportunity Scheunemann’s newly available identity presents. Laurie Mylroie can probably explain it.
• **Randy Scheunemann is a D-List neocon. **Like, really? Was Michael Rubin returning videotapes when the McCain campaign called? The staff of Commentary too busy arguing over something they read in The New Criterion on the 4 train? One more time: John McCain is not a fool, and he would not hire a neocon of non-distinction who would only just make the campaign look like a laughing stock. Lots of people were dumb enough to back the war, but most of them can at least get calls returned from opinion-page editors.

In conclusion, “Randy Scheuenemann” does not exist, and Wikipedia presently earns $70,000 a year for imparting poorly-thought-through foreign policy advice for John McCain.