GOPers: EPA Finding Threatens Kittens, Petunias
“This is good news for all those opposed to the despicable practice of breathing,” the statement reads, “but it may put the rest of humankind in an odd spot.”
Every day, over 6 billion humans and an untold number of puppies, kittens, and other animals produce large quantities of this ubiquitous gas. Should they be required to stop breathing? And every day, trees, flowers, shrubs, and other flora use carbon dioxide to sustain their own existence. Liberals are supposedly more plant-friendly than the rest of us, so why would they try to limit a gas that is essential for plant life? If the rainforests could speak, would they be stunned by this betrayal?
It’s no mystery that Washington is a town most undedicated to nuance, but the willful failure to distinguish between a tailpipe spewing pollutants and a kitten exhaling is extreme even by the standards of this town.