Vladimir Putin (Department of Defense photo by Cherie A. Thurlby)

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who recently saved a TV crew from certain death by dart-gunning a charging white Siberian tiger in the nick of time, had no sooner returned to Moscow than the suspension bridge that his limousine was driving under began to collapse.

Though no longer president, the still quick-witted so-called “Man of Russian Iron, Tungsten and Assorted Other Ferrous Minerals” lept from the vehicle and held up the bridge’s main truss until emergency crews could arrive to make a more permanent fix.

Putin was just brushing the dust off his suit after that incident when Muscovites began fleeing the metropolis in panic over a huge meteorite hurtling toward the city center from outer space.

Sprinting into Red Square, the ex-civil servant waved everyone back and braced himself. Moments later, the meteorite landed in the firm grip of his two hands “like a baby on a pillow,” as a totally independent and unbiased reporter paid to follow Putin around explained.

Kidded by his pals as gruff, tough, humorless and ruthless, Putin has lately revealed not only a superhuman but a more human side. This has been evident not only by random acts of heroism, like those described above, but also by being seen to eat food and knowing the difference between a dog and a cat.

However, he has never been seen lying down.

Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”

(Flickr: GISuser)

The Republican National Committee today issued a rare emergency bulletin, stating that Gov. Sarah Palin, Sen. John McCain’s pick for vice-president, cannot participate in the Republican National Convention or the fall general election campaign because Hurricane Gustav has raged northwest from the Louisiana coast to ravage all of the state of Alaska and left the winsome mother of five, fisherman’s wife, upholder of family values and retired local-TV sports-bunny trapped under “at least l00 feet” of wet snow.

Since all members of the would-be rescue team have enlisted for duty in Iraq and left the continent, the RNC bulletin explained, Palin is expected to remain snowbound at least until Election Day on Nov. 4.

While regretting the resulting blow to Republican campaign plans, the RNC assured supporters and the public at large that the absence of the 44 year-old former basketball superstar and current governor will not derail the juggernaut that is McCain’s presidential crusade.

McCain has already dispatched a team of husky dogs to deliver a supportive message to Palin. They are expected to arrive at her location sometime in late October.

Meanwhile, all telecommunications with the lady governor are said to be entirely cut off. As the soon-to-be GOP nominee told reporters, “Darn it, she cannot make outgoing calls.”

Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”