(Flickr: GISuser)

The Republican National Committee today issued a rare emergency bulletin, stating that Gov. Sarah Palin, Sen. John McCain’s pick for vice-president, cannot participate in the Republican National Convention or the fall general election campaign because Hurricane Gustav has raged northwest from the Louisiana coast to ravage all of the state of Alaska and left the winsome mother of five, fisherman’s wife, upholder of family values and retired local-TV sports-bunny trapped under “at least l00 feet” of wet snow.

Since all members of the would-be rescue team have enlisted for duty in Iraq and left the continent, the RNC bulletin explained, Palin is expected to remain snowbound at least until Election Day on Nov. 4.

While regretting the resulting blow to Republican campaign plans, the RNC assured supporters and the public at large that the absence of the 44 year-old former basketball superstar and current governor will not derail the juggernaut that is McCain’s presidential crusade.

McCain has already dispatched a team of husky dogs to deliver a supportive message to Palin. They are expected to arrive at her location sometime in late October.

Meanwhile, all telecommunications with the lady governor are said to be entirely cut off. As the soon-to-be GOP nominee told reporters, “Darn it, she cannot make outgoing calls.”

Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”

Here are some highlights from Reuters’ highlights of the energy situation: All of U.S. Gulf of Mexico oil output has been shut down; about 95 percent of natural gas output has been shut, and 433,600 Louisiana residents have lost power as a result — 101,500 in evacuated areas, 332,600 in occupied areas.

Read the whole factbox.

The Republicans also canceled their prime-time programming for the convention’s opening night, and most daytime activities. It’s unclear how else Gustav may effect the Republican convention.

Sen. John McCain told Fox News, according to the Politico, “It just wouldn’t be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near-tragedy or a terrible challenge is presented in the form of a natural disaster. So we’re monitoring it from day to day — and I’m saying a few prayers, too.”

New Orleans is nearly deserted. Mayor Ray Nagin ordered a mandatory evacuation of the city, and about 95 percent of the population left. Gustav has now been downgraded to a Category 2 storm, bringing some amount of relief to Louisiana residents, especially since weather analysts were reporting over the weekend that the hurricane could be worse than Katrina.

New Orleans residents are still coping with the aftermath of Katrina, three years later. The thought of another disaster washing away the work that went into rebuilding there seems just too much to bear.