Scrabble Players Honor Blagojevich

Allegedly corrupt Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is being feted as the Scrabble Club of America and Guam’s Man of the Year “for focusing the world’s spotlight on randomly scrambled letters as a limitless source of wholesome fun.”

Informed of this rare honor, the shady Chicago politico said “(Deleted) me! That’s More…

Tips for Ending Motor City Malaise

Helpful hints to Detroit’s Big Three execs now pleading their case in Washington:

Convert the walls lining Mahogany Row to sheetrock. Do you or don’t you want to show shareholders and employees that management “gets it”?

Swallow that overweening pride of yours and place “For a Rainy Day” canisters More…

Palin Sells Campaign Duds on eBay, Nets $1 Million

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin made lemonade out of lemons today by auctioning off on the Internet the fancy wardrobe purchased for her failed vice-presidential run, and raking in more than a million dollars — which she immediately donated to the Needy Governors’ Winter Clothing Fund.

The feisty four-eyed political phenomenon More…

Palin’s Post-Election Plans

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was more than prepared should terrorists and their sympathizers quit palling around long enough to throw the coming presidential election a curve and cheat her out of the vice presidency. She has already crafted a detailed plan for her future.

Step One is to resign as More…

McCain Defends Campaign Lies as Test of Dems’ Intelligence

Sen. John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee, today accused his opponent, Sen. Barack Obama, and the entire Democratic Party of being “too stupid to govern America,” citing as proof their falling for the many outrageous lies deliberately planted in his and running mate Sarah Palin’s public utterances to test their More…

Biden to Palin: ‘That’s Nothing, Earth Is Flat!’

Increasingly incensed at being shunted to the media sidelines while his Republican counterpart’s every utterance makes global news, Sen. Joe Biden, the Democratic vice-presidential nominee, has clearly decided to fight fire with fire.

“The current world economic crisis has come about because people keep dropping quarters that roll away and More…

Palin Lauds Old Glory, Dares Obama to Differ

Addressing a large American flag today, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee, said, “The real Americans are the America-loving Americans who stand up for America and the American way. Because what would America be without these real Americans? And I would like to congratulate this flag for doing More…

Reversal of Fortune: Wall Street Merging With Main Street

In perhaps the greatest financial paroxysm yet, a spate of gigantic mergers sparked by the recent global crisis has overnight reordered the American economic landscape — if not America itself.

Once almighty Wall Street is being forced by its nosediving fortunes into a shotgun marriage with Main Street — relying More…

McCain Debate Talking Points Leaked

A Straight Talk Express cleaning lady today sold several crumpled pages outlining Sen. John McCain’s script for tonight’s third and final presidential debate, which she had found stuck to a takeout pizza box on the floor, to an unnamed member of the media elite.

Anxious to do everything in his More…

McCain Urges Surge to Fix What Ails U.S.

Drawing on his foreign policy and military expertise, Sen. John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee, has called for a military surge in America, similar to the one he claims has turned around the situation in Iraq.

“Let’s put 30,000 fine young soldiers on the ground right here at home,” the More…