rssCheney Lauds Palin as ‘Cold-Blooded Gal of My Dreams’
Thursday, September 11, 2008 at 1:38 pm
- 5 Comments
Dick Cheney has a soft spot for a hard-nosed woman. (Flickr: G30W0rk)
Vice President Dick Cheney said today that he expects Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin not only to make the transition to his office next January a smooth one, but to so closely match his style and philosophy as to seem a virtual female clone.
“She’s the ruthless, cold-blooded gal of my dreams,” Cheney burbled to a reporter. “Everything I’ve heard and read about her — firing her entire staff and only hiring back those willing to swear an oath of personal loyalty; vengefully hounding her own ex-brother-in-law out of a job; standing up for book-burning when the mob was screaming ‘No!’ — works for me. It all tells me she’s got what it takes to not only run the country behind its back and the president’s but also, in the process, teach the quibblers and critics lessons they better not forget. Now get out.”
Palin is said to have invited fellow NRA sportsman Cheney up to her native Wasilla, Alaska, for the annual October slaughter of captured polar bears in her backyard before they can break loose and eat all the local children.
Taking a cue from her future predecessor’s notorious 2001 secret energy conference, Palin has already held three family meetings — without telling any members of her family.
Palin’s political performance, insiders say, impresses Mr. Cheney as almost freakishly in tune with the Bush-Cheney agenda. For example, she has started out with budget surpluses and quickly plunged her constituency into debt.
“No position she takes — abortion, creationism, you name it — is too extreme,” an admirer points out. “She’s not afraid to shoot off her mouth even when she knows she doesn’t know what she’s shooting off her mouth about.”
Cheney has reportedly advised Palin about surrounding herself with neo-cons, yes-men, cronies and lobbyists once she takes office in January.
“Get a lot of them,” was the vice president’s advice.
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”
5 Comments
Comment posted September 12, 2008 @ 9:51 am
If the people who run The Washington Independent think they must a “humorist” on its website, they should at least hire one who's funny.
Comment posted September 12, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
I agree. This is too seriouse for all this joking and humor
Comment posted September 15, 2008 @ 9:12 pm
This was funny, although not as funny as the other drivel on this site. McCain rocks! Now let's do a funny about Obama getting a woop'n (no, i' m white and I got wooped too) from Michele telling him to go back out there and face that mean girl Palin.
Comment posted October 25, 2008 @ 7:30 pm
Sarah Palin and me.
She and I have a lot of things in common.
My education matches hers it took years for me to earn my degree taking a few courses at a time here and there.
I was president of my PTA and an officer in my woman’s club we have that in common.
I was a soccer, baseball, and basketball mom, so we have that in common.
I own a small business where I make out budgets, so you could call me an executive that is another thing we have in common.
I am married to a Joe six-pack, but he says he is a Joe 12 pack, I wish we did not have that in common!
I have three children and five grand children, she’s catching up to me.
I am a catholic and have never had an abortion. I used birth control when I was too old to safely have a healthy child.
I will be voting for Obama. Why? Because I would never presume that I have the intellect and education to be 1/2 a breath away from being the leader of the most powerful nation in the world. It takes more then charm and snappy remarks to have a finger on the nuclear button. That is something that speechwriters and pundits can’t teach a candidate in a few weeks.
Sorry I want intelligence running this nation. So this white, Catholic 61 year old, Republican grandmother will be voting for Barack Obama.
Comment posted October 26, 2008 @ 2:30 am
Sarah Palin and me.
She and I have a lot of things in common.
My education matches hers it took years for me to earn my degree taking a few courses at a time here and there.
I was president of my PTA and an officer in my woman’s club we have that in common.
I was a soccer, baseball, and basketball mom, so we have that in common.
I own a small business where I make out budgets, so you could call me an executive that is another thing we have in common.
I am married to a Joe six-pack, but he says he is a Joe 12 pack, I wish we did not have that in common!
I have three children and five grand children, she’s catching up to me.
I am a catholic and have never had an abortion. I used birth control when I was too old to safely have a healthy child.
I will be voting for Obama. Why? Because I would never presume that I have the intellect and education to be 1/2 a breath away from being the leader of the most powerful nation in the world. It takes more then charm and snappy remarks to have a finger on the nuclear button. That is something that speechwriters and pundits can’t teach a candidate in a few weeks.
Sorry I want intelligence running this nation. So this white, Catholic 61 year old, Republican grandmother will be voting for Barack Obama.
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