Palin’s Domestic Chores Bar Media Chinwags
Tuesday, September 09, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee, is busy vacuuming the house and can’t hear the many interview requests from national media sources that have poured in since her surprise selection, a McCain campaign spokesperson explained today.
“The governoress will be too preoccupied with family values-type activities to meet with reporters in print or on TV,” he continued. “Uh-oh, she just stopped vacuuming and now she’s darning all the kids’ socks — it’s back to school time, you know.”
Though her veepship has a sewing machine, washer/dryer and bake oven on her campaign plane, she still needs every minute to mother her brood, fix her hubby’s three squares a day and keep her nails looking nice, explains the McCain camp.
Her gubernatorial duties are being temporarily handled by the cleaning lady — “a dead ringer,” according to Palin intimates, “with a natural kind of knack for attending banquets and signing away state oil reserves to private industry.”
Ms. Palin’s ostensibly narrow experience in governance and national and international affairs is being brushed off by GOP officials, partly because she is “a phenomenally fast learner.”
She can reportedly already name the capitals of many U.S. states — except for Oregon, New Hampshire and Indiana. “Nobody except a pro gets those,” notes one coach. For this reason she is unafraid of grillings by what one Republican observer called “the muttering mob of mealy-mouthed media moguls.”
McCain campaign officials now predict that Ms. Palin will be available for all interviews by Jan. 17, 2009, Inauguration Day in Washington.
“I’ll be there in a flash,” she has been quoted as promising. “Washington is one of my favorite places. Particularly Seattle.”
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”
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