Happy Loyalty Day

It’s May 1, which around the world used to be celebrated as a celebration of the soul-killing social religion known as communism, and is officially celebrated in the United States (by no one in particular) in a similarly cringeworthy way as “Loyalty Day.” The White House just issued a declaration reaffirming the holiday. “The promise of liberty and the pursuit of happiness arouse the patriotism and loyalty of Americans anew,” wrote President Obama, much as his predecessors have ritualistically intoned. And, you know, sure. But a mature society doesn’t need to repeatedly ask its citizens to declare their loyalty. (Or does it?)

Nevertheless, I officially move that May 1 be forever known as Dre Day.