McCain Mistakes Arizona for Iraq

By
Monday, July 28, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Sen. John McCain (army.mil)

Sen. John McCain (army.mil)

Sen. John McCain, who has locked up the GOP nomination, was chased down in the parking lot of a Phoenix shopping mall today and persuaded to remove his Kevlar helmet and body armor. He had been driving his SUV around this sprawling desert city all afternoon on a fact-finding tour in the belief that he was in Baghdad.

“The hot sun, the flat desert terrain, those Latinos the spitting image of Sunnis and Shiites — I naturally thought I was in Iraq,” the Arizona senator explained. “Besides, Lieberman [campaign adviser Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.)] wasn’t around today. Lieberman always knows where I am.”

The war-hero-turned-lawmaker told reporters that his inspection tour was nonetheless highly useful. “I found Phoenix has many of the same problems as Baghdad,” McCain said, “the terrorist hideouts are so well hidden you couldn’t find a single one, for example. And the Al Qaeda operatives in our midst are as invisible here as they are over there. And the gas shortage is so acute that a gallon costs four dollars.

“But, all in all, I was greatly encouraged by the progress. I’d estimate Phoenix to be 99 percent pacified today. The city is so safe I could have shot a few baskets with the troops, if I’d found any. Must have all been shipped home. The car washes are up and running, I saw long lines at the Cineplex, and when I put my finger in a socket there was lots of electricity.”

“I’d asked my wife Cindy to join me on the tour this morning,” the jubilant senator added. “But she said she had a golf date. Maybe that should have tipped me off.”

Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”

Categories & Tags: Commentary| McCain| Politics|

Comments

8 Comments

j73harris
Comment posted August 14, 2008 @ 7:06 pm

Iraq/Arizona…what’s the difference? He’s an idiot. What do you expect.


verafromsedona
Comment posted August 12, 2008 @ 11:49 am

Earmarks is not a dirty word.

I live in Sedona and John McCain is not a neighbor of mine his property is in located in CORNVILLE, 22 miles away.

Why is this Republican not supporting John McCain? With out question it is his lack of support for our state in Washington. McCain


kwaayesnama
Comment posted August 12, 2008 @ 11:42 am

Lets see my choice is cranky old John McCain or that energetic young, smart black man Barack Obama?

McCain who does not know how to use a computer but is willing to learn if we elect him


kwaayesnama
Comment posted August 12, 2008 @ 6:42 am

Lets see my choice is cranky old John McCain or that energetic young, smart black man Barack Obama?

McCain who does not know how to use a computer but is willing to learn if we elect him


verafromsedona
Comment posted August 12, 2008 @ 6:49 am

Earmarks is not a dirty word.

I live in Sedona and John McCain is not a neighbor of mine his property is in located in CORNVILLE, 22 miles away.

Why is this Republican not supporting John McCain? With out question it is his lack of support for our state in Washington. McCain


j73harris
Comment posted August 14, 2008 @ 2:06 pm

Iraq/Arizona…what's the difference? He's an idiot. What do you expect.


checkered.1
Comment posted August 28, 2008 @ 3:47 pm

It's pitiful when a “humorist” isn't vaguely funny.


checkered.1
Comment posted August 28, 2008 @ 8:47 pm

It's pitiful when a “humorist” isn't vaguely funny.


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