rssAll Politics Is Local
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 at 1:11 pm
- 9 Comments
Palin greets Alaska National Guard troops. (Flickr: asecondhandconjecture)
Speaking to the Canasta Club of Greater Alaska at its monthly pot-luck dinner, Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice presidential candidate, drew on her own hard-won political experience to spell out an agenda for moving America forward over the next four years.
Palin called for a Neighborhood Watch, just like the one in her hometown of Wasilla, in every community of the nation to combat the ever-present threat of global terrorism. “Even our kids can keep an eye peeled for funny-looking men in robes hanging around the malls,” she stated. “Soccer moms can contribute by checking that soccer balls don’t contain bombs. While barbecuing the steaks, Dad can watch the bushes for any suspicious movements.
“All the moms of America could aid world peace by preparing wholesome lunches for summit meetings.” she continued. “Any foreign despot who tastes a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich on white bread is going to see that these ‘bad ol’ Americans’ are pretty nice folks after all.
“Meanwhile” said the spunky ex-TV sportscaster, “if every housewife contributed just one item of Tupperware from her kitchen cabinet, we could melt them all into a huge plastic shield to plug that hole in the ozone layer and reduce the danger to our environment — without resorting to draconian laws that treat polluters like criminals and scofflaws.”
Finally, Palin – solidly against gun control, she explains, because AK-47’s and similar weaponry are necessary to fend off marauding polar bars — suggested sending the National Rifle Assn. to Iraq as a “cleanup brigade” after U.S. troops leave. As a longtime member, Palin pointed out that the group would help Iraqi rebuilding efforts and also their own cause — by shooting stray animals for sport.
Palin also recommended weekly National Walks For Health Care, substituting the proceeds for wasteful government handouts. She said this would promote healthy exercise that prevents illness and also make most medical care unnecessary.
Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”
9 Comments
Comment posted September 2, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
Dear Sarah,
Evangelicals keep reminding us that all sickness, disease, and suffering are the result of man's sin.
So tell us what you did to deserve a child with Down Syndrome. God must have been really pissed off at you.
Comment posted September 2, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
This woman is really crazy. We must be wary of men in dress in Alaska? That is to say Muslims? I think this woman is bad for the USA. What do you want such a show? Whether dealing with its first minor daughter.
Excuse my english !
http://allainjulesblog.blogspot.com/
Comment posted September 2, 2008 @ 4:50 pm
Is this a real article or a spoof? I really hope it's a spoof.
Comment posted September 2, 2008 @ 8:19 pm
Ya gotta love the deadly serious comments about McCall's columns.
He calls himself a “humorist” and his columns are supposed to be funny. Sadly, most of the times they're not.
Comment posted September 3, 2008 @ 2:40 am
This makes it to the top of the homepage? Yikes! Not funny enough.
Comment posted September 4, 2008 @ 5:09 pm
The dead giveaway (that it's spoof) is that Sarah Palin wouldn't use the word, “draconian,” in a sentence. Unless is was something like, “That black cape and widow's peak make him look very draconian.”
I can see where this could cause confusion for non-native English speakers.
And no, it's not funny, either.
Comment posted September 6, 2008 @ 6:36 am
Keep hoping – you will see more and more of that.
Hitler had neighbors spying on each other. A creative talker could empty a neigborhood by telling tales on his neighbors.
Comment posted September 6, 2008 @ 11:36 am
Keep hoping – you will see more and more of that.
Hitler had neighbors spying on each other. A creative talker could empty a neigborhood by telling tales on his neighbors.
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