Ayn Rand 101

By
Wednesday, May 07, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Ayn Rand (Phyllis Cerf)

Ayn Rand (Phyllis Cerf)

John Allison, CEO of the banking giant BB&T, calls Ayn Rand’s novel “Atlas Shrugged,” “the best defense of capitalism ever written.” He says that Rand changed his life, and he’s working to ensure that the deceased author isn’t left out of the nation’s college curricula.

Since 2005, the BB&T Charitable Foundation has given 25 colleges and universities several million dollars to start programs devoted to the study of Rand’s books and economic philosophy. In January, the company announced it was donating $1 million to Marshall University in West Virginia. The money would establish a course dedicated to Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged” and Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations, and help create the BB&T Center for the Advancement of American Capitalism on campus.

–Clark Davis, NPR “Morning Edition”

AYN RAND SYLLABUS

I: Course overview: Introduction to reality in metaphysics, reason in epistemology, rational egoism in ethics.

Assignment: If professor cannot satisfactorily explain this to your liking, punch him/her in the face. If he/she appeals to reason, punch him/her again.

II: “Jail the Tax Man”:

Assignment: Describe the triumph of free enterprise and laissez-faire capitalism in America’s 19th-century “Golden Age” of child labor, union-busting, monopolies, debtors’ prisons. Tell why Upton Sinclair was a quiche head.

– Pretending you are the attorney general of the United States in 1885, write a 50-page attack on coal miners that blames Black Lung on their sniveling and moral slackness.

– Show in a separate paper why Howard Roark would never contract Black Lung.

III: “Throw the Bawling Baby Off the Cliff”:

Joys of viewing man as a heroic being with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, where reason alone dictates values and actions and rational self-interest and happiness of the individual always comes first. Discuss.

– Assignment: Dramatize in a one-act play involving a dying mother and her only son’s need to sell her apartment for money to finance his vacation in Cancun.

IV: “Forget It — There’s Just Food Enough For Me.”

The stupidity of sacrifice.

V: “Jackbooted Gov’t Goons Be Gone!”

Specify why postal service, public sanitation and environmental controls weaken the moral fabric of a nation.

– Assignment: Write an essay depicting a social paradise where the government consists only of cops and an army.

VI: “Shut Down the Orphanage”:

Explain in 5,000 words why charity sucks. Give examples.

– Field assignment: Hand out exploding cigars to the homeless in your neighborhood.

VII: “Why Ayn Rand Would Come Back as a Cat”:

Review the virtues of selfishness, willfully ignoring needs of others,

it’s-about-me attitude.

Be sure to belittle craven, dependent, altruistic behavior of dogs.

VIII: “The Fountainhead”

How many pages can you read at one sitting and still stay awake?

– Write 50 adjectives that describe Howard Roark. Include sexual prowess.

– Write a l0,000 word novel featuring Howard Roark as not an architect

but a) South American dictator, b) Head of Homeland Security, c) Mafia don.

X: “Atlas Shrugged”

Industrialists are America’s heroes. List 100 ways that industrialists

beat Mother Theresa, Madame Curie and Helen Keller in every major economic sector.

– Compose a Nobel Prize speech for a strip-mining corporation that

caused a giant mudslide fatal to three West Virginia towns. Mention the

presidential pardon.

Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”

Categories & Tags: Commentary| U.S.|

Comments

50 Comments

richard47
Comment posted June 27, 2008 @ 8:03 am

Oh, come on, Ayn Rand people — of whom I have been and am one. If we can’t take a little humor, we’re in bad shape. We are, in fact, closed to that angle of the truth. Ayn Rand was the first philosopher I read, the first who taught me about objectivity and reason, the first who grounded me in a desire for scientific accuracy. She is worth studying, understanding, and applying. A thorough and ongoing understanding of her fiction and philosophy and her life would still be beneficial, I believe, as beneficial as the study of any other philosophy or philosopher, even contradictory ones. Why? Because, in the end, you must think for yourself, and you can’t evade that work. Meantime, the syllabus is hilarious.


bluriley
Comment posted June 18, 2008 @ 10:39 pm

Accurate to Rand’s dedication to self interest.


mwickens
Comment posted June 13, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
emersonbiggins
Comment posted June 12, 2008 @ 8:52 pm

Alissa Rosenbaum (the real name of this much-admired phony) was not actually “investigated” by the HUAC. She was one of the invited “friendly witnesses” who came to whisper about communist influence in Hollywood. Other friendlies were Jack Warner, Louis B. Mayer, Walt Disney, and future president Ronald Reagan. My favorite Ayn Rand quotation? “I prefer the dollar sign to the Cross.” There is a scientific term for a human capable of putting her kind of distance between I and not-I.

Sociopath.


polisigh
Comment posted June 11, 2008 @ 9:36 pm

If we lived in a perfect world or could stay college seniors for life, Ayn Rand might just have some relevance to real life.

She was investigated by the House UnAmerican Activities Committee during that dark time, which when you consider her political leanings, is actually pretty strange. She’s a real practicing Capitalist, boys.

I must say that I found Gary Cooper an irresistible Howard Roark in the movie version of “The Fountainhead”. But “Atlas Shrugged” is my all time favorite, with its gigantic ego phallus – as if a corrupted modern materialistic view of the world were comparable to the Greeks true vision of Democracy.

Ayn Rand only works for the very young or the terminally naive.


robdiego
Comment posted June 11, 2008 @ 5:44 am

Ayn Rand had no opinion about evolution nor did she include it as an element of her philosophy.


questor
Comment posted June 10, 2008 @ 5:19 am

Too funny! Sometimes it’s the parody that best gets the truth of an idea across and this does it.


karenfern
Comment posted June 9, 2008 @ 9:52 pm

Good lord, (she wouldn’t have capitalized the first letter in lord), that was seriously funny.


exomike
Comment posted May 25, 2008 @ 12:31 am

I see a lot of people read Ayn Rand once in high school and never got over it. As a trained biologist it is evident to me that she has no idea what she is talking about when it came to evolutionary theory and as a lifelong scholar/warrior I fantasize sending a terminator back into time to remove her cancerous influence from the most vital organ of human kind. I.E. It’s brain, which is the brain of a SOCIAL animal.

But alas, it is too late, Corporate Man is one of those parasites that eventually kills it’s host. The Planet.


nellevad
Comment posted May 20, 2008 @ 1:40 am

Has anyone considered tha possibility that a times in a small scale society it is beneficial to have cooperative values and altruistic motivations for actions that will benefit the group as a whole, while at other times a purely selfish survivalist mentality may ensure that at least some of the tribe will survive catastrophic events? Are we all wired genetically with some dominant or recessive gene for either altruism or indifference that drives our subconcious values? I’m firmly in the former camp while my wife came from a more, shall I say, individualistic family of a more conservative bent. Our progeney seem to be something of a mixture when averaged out, but each relatively firmly in one camp or the other, tempered by their environment. I’m firmly of the opinion that with civilization and technology we’ve entered a period in our history that will require all the cooperative behavior we can muster to get through, and present conditions in America are mostly the result of the other faction threatening to unravel society and return us to Dickensian world. It would all be an interesting intellectual exercise except that my children and grandchildren’s futures keep fuzzying up my objectivity. Interesting to ponder though, Huh.


mikemidcity
Comment posted May 16, 2008 @ 6:14 pm

Ana Rand?

Social Darwinist whore.


moondancer
Comment posted May 15, 2008 @ 5:38 pm

I’m not sure whats worse, having to read Rand drivel or listen to cultist republicans prattle about her. Thanks Bruce, I enjoyed your satire and enjoyed the Randians discomfit. Not surprising most found this unamusing, it requires a sense of humor.


robdiego
Comment posted May 12, 2008 @ 1:43 pm

I can say definitively, that the “humorist” who wrote this syllabus is completely, totally off the mark and has so totally mis-represented Ayn Rand’s views that it is not even humorous. Humor is supposed to “ring true” not miss the mark.

I agree with rjajr about the value of reading the source material and deciding for yourself. With a thinker as profound as Rand, there are many who hope that their snide, unfounded criticisms will encourage you not to read Ayn Rand and that would be a loss for you that can’t be calculated.


rjajr
Comment posted May 10, 2008 @ 10:32 pm

The great danger in the exchange of ideas (and I am referring specifically here to philosophical ideas) is to accept an idea based on someone else’s assessment, especially without any evidence that that person knows what he is talking about. And even if you have reason to believe that the person does have good knowledge of an idea (and that he may have made a correct assessment), you will not know it until you have read the source material yourself. Now, you cannot always go directly to the source, simply because of limited time or limited access, but it is the best way for you to really judge another person


danton1956
Comment posted May 10, 2008 @ 9:25 pm

I have read Ayn Rand directly. This author is not far off the mark.


valdaredfern
Comment posted May 10, 2008 @ 9:50 am

I assume that Bruce McCall’s off-target parody is aimed at people who have heard of Ayn Rand but not read her ideas first hand. Those who genuinely want to know the difference between what is ascribed to her and what she actually thought could start by consulting http://www.aynrandlexicon.com on, say, “sacrifice”, “charity” or “taxation”.

I also recommend reading The Fountainhead and her other great novels. Compare Bruce McCall’s world to Ayn Rand’s and see which one actually promotes human happiness.


guybarnett
Comment posted May 9, 2008 @ 5:12 pm

gilmanc asks how this differs from Ayn Rand:

I encourage you, as well as the author of this trash, to read what Rand actually wrote. You can also check out http://www.aynrand.org

I started writing a description of all the glaring errors in this piece, but quickly realized that it would require an entire book to cover even half of his mistakes. Suffice it to say, that Rand would not have agreed with ANY of the ideas presented here. Again, check out her works for yourself and make up your own mind.


cynicbuster
Comment posted May 9, 2008 @ 9:13 am

When I see writers of this ilk write a competent review of A.R.’s “Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology”, her book that finally solved the ancient, centuries-old problem of universals in philosophy, then, only then, will I believe any of the luridly distorted guff this writer prints above.

Anybody willing to bet between these two, whose writings will remain in print longer, and will do more good for mankind and society?


gilmanc
Comment posted May 8, 2008 @ 10:50 am

How does this differ from what Ayn Rand advocated?


peacemakesplenty
Comment posted May 8, 2008 @ 9:58 am

Aryan Rand Corporation.


jwbales
Comment posted May 8, 2008 @ 9:25 am

This satirical portrayal of Ayn Rand is Ayn Rand as leftists would have her be–someone easily dismissed–rather than Ayn Rand as she actually is–someone whose ideas they are unable to deal with honestly.


jwbales
Comment posted May 8, 2008 @ 4:25 am

This satirical portrayal of Ayn Rand is Ayn Rand as leftists would have her be–someone easily dismissed–rather than Ayn Rand as she actually is–someone whose ideas they are unable to deal with honestly.


peacemakesplenty
Comment posted May 8, 2008 @ 4:58 am

Aryan Rand Corporation.


gilmanc
Comment posted May 8, 2008 @ 5:50 am

How does this differ from what Ayn Rand advocated?


cynicbuster
Comment posted May 9, 2008 @ 4:13 am

When I see writers of this ilk write a competent review of A.R.'s “Introduction to Objectivist Epistemology”, her book that finally solved the ancient, centuries-old problem of universals in philosophy, then, only then, will I believe any of the luridly distorted guff this writer prints above.

Anybody willing to bet between these two, whose writings will remain in print longer, and will do more good for mankind and society?


guybarnett
Comment posted May 9, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

gilmanc asks how this differs from Ayn Rand:

I encourage you, as well as the author of this trash, to read what Rand actually wrote. You can also check out http://www.aynrand.org

I started writing a description of all the glaring errors in this piece, but quickly realized that it would require an entire book to cover even half of his mistakes. Suffice it to say, that Rand would not have agreed with ANY of the ideas presented here. Again, check out her works for yourself and make up your own mind.


valdaredfern
Comment posted May 10, 2008 @ 4:50 am

I assume that Bruce McCall's off-target parody is aimed at people who have heard of Ayn Rand but not read her ideas first hand. Those who genuinely want to know the difference between what is ascribed to her and what she actually thought could start by consulting http://www.aynrandlexicon.com on, say, “sacrifice”, “charity” or “taxation”.

I also recommend reading The Fountainhead and her other great novels. Compare Bruce McCall's world to Ayn Rand's and see which one actually promotes human happiness.


danton1956
Comment posted May 10, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

I have read Ayn Rand directly. This author is not far off the mark.


rjajr
Comment posted May 10, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

The great danger in the exchange of ideas (and I am referring specifically here to philosophical ideas) is to accept an idea based on someone else's assessment, especially without any evidence that that person knows what he is talking about. And even if you have reason to believe that the person does have good knowledge of an idea (and that he may have made a correct assessment), you will not know it until you have read the source material yourself. Now, you cannot always go directly to the source, simply because of limited time or limited access, but it is the best way for you to really judge another person


robdiego
Comment posted May 12, 2008 @ 8:43 am

I can say definitively, that the “humorist” who wrote this syllabus is completely, totally off the mark and has so totally mis-represented Ayn Rand's views that it is not even humorous. Humor is supposed to “ring true” not miss the mark.

I agree with rjajr about the value of reading the source material and deciding for yourself. With a thinker as profound as Rand, there are many who hope that their snide, unfounded criticisms will encourage you not to read Ayn Rand and that would be a loss for you that can't be calculated.


moondancer
Comment posted May 15, 2008 @ 12:38 pm

I'm not sure whats worse, having to read Rand drivel or listen to cultist republicans prattle about her. Thanks Bruce, I enjoyed your satire and enjoyed the Randians discomfit. Not surprising most found this unamusing, it requires a sense of humor.


mikemidcity
Comment posted May 16, 2008 @ 1:14 pm

Ana Rand?

Social Darwinist whore.


nellevad
Comment posted May 19, 2008 @ 8:40 pm

Has anyone considered tha possibility that a times in a small scale society it is beneficial to have cooperative values and altruistic motivations for actions that will benefit the group as a whole, while at other times a purely selfish survivalist mentality may ensure that at least some of the tribe will survive catastrophic events? Are we all wired genetically with some dominant or recessive gene for either altruism or indifference that drives our subconcious values? I'm firmly in the former camp while my wife came from a more, shall I say, individualistic family of a more conservative bent. Our progeney seem to be something of a mixture when averaged out, but each relatively firmly in one camp or the other, tempered by their environment. I'm firmly of the opinion that with civilization and technology we've entered a period in our history that will require all the cooperative behavior we can muster to get through, and present conditions in America are mostly the result of the other faction threatening to unravel society and return us to Dickensian world. It would all be an interesting intellectual exercise except that my children and grandchildren's futures keep fuzzying up my objectivity. Interesting to ponder though, Huh.


exomike
Comment posted May 24, 2008 @ 7:31 pm

I see a lot of people read Ayn Rand once in high school and never got over it. As a trained biologist it is evident to me that she has no idea what she is talking about when it came to evolutionary theory and as a lifelong scholar/warrior I fantasize sending a terminator back into time to remove her cancerous influence from the most vital organ of human kind. I.E. It's brain, which is the brain of a SOCIAL animal.

But alas, it is too late, Corporate Man is one of those parasites that eventually kills it's host. The Planet.


karenfern
Comment posted June 9, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

Good lord, (she wouldn't have capitalized the first letter in lord), that was seriously funny.


questor
Comment posted June 10, 2008 @ 12:19 am

Too funny! Sometimes it's the parody that best gets the truth of an idea across and this does it.


robdiego
Comment posted June 11, 2008 @ 12:44 am

Ayn Rand had no opinion about evolution nor did she include it as an element of her philosophy.


polisigh
Comment posted June 11, 2008 @ 4:36 pm

If we lived in a perfect world or could stay college seniors for life, Ayn Rand might just have some relevance to real life.

She was investigated by the House UnAmerican Activities Committee during that dark time, which when you consider her political leanings, is actually pretty strange. She's a real practicing Capitalist, boys.

I must say that I found Gary Cooper an irresistible Howard Roark in the movie version of “The Fountainhead”. But “Atlas Shrugged” is my all time favorite, with its gigantic ego phallus – as if a corrupted modern materialistic view of the world were comparable to the Greeks true vision of Democracy.

Ayn Rand only works for the very young or the terminally naive.


emersonbiggins
Comment posted June 12, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

Alissa Rosenbaum (the real name of this much-admired phony) was not actually “investigated” by the HUAC. She was one of the invited “friendly witnesses” who came to whisper about communist influence in Hollywood. Other friendlies were Jack Warner, Louis B. Mayer, Walt Disney, and future president Ronald Reagan. My favorite Ayn Rand quotation? “I prefer the dollar sign to the Cross.” There is a scientific term for a human capable of putting her kind of distance between I and not-I.

Sociopath.


bluriley
Comment posted June 18, 2008 @ 5:39 pm

Accurate to Rand's dedication to self interest.


richard47
Comment posted June 27, 2008 @ 3:03 am

Oh, come on, Ayn Rand people — of whom I have been and am one. If we can't take a little humor, we're in bad shape. We are, in fact, closed to that angle of the truth. Ayn Rand was the first philosopher I read, the first who taught me about objectivity and reason, the first who grounded me in a desire for scientific accuracy. She is worth studying, understanding, and applying. A thorough and ongoing understanding of her fiction and philosophy and her life would still be beneficial, I believe, as beneficial as the study of any other philosophy or philosopher, even contradictory ones. Why? Because, in the end, you must think for yourself, and you can't evade that work. Meantime, the syllabus is hilarious.


HerbSewell
Comment posted August 26, 2008 @ 2:47 pm

The same way Space Balls differs from Star Wars.


HerbSewell
Comment posted August 26, 2008 @ 2:51 pm

Yes, he is. Again, this is a parody, but this ignorance of the true beliefs of Ayn Rand really doesn't do her justice.


HerbSewell
Comment posted August 26, 2008 @ 2:52 pm

you fail, please try again ^_^


HerbSewell
Comment posted August 26, 2008 @ 2:53 pm

Yes, because we all know what horrible things the Industrial Revolution, the product of the corporate man, as done to us to a society.


HerbSewell
Comment posted August 26, 2008 @ 2:54 pm

Or the intellectually competeant.


HerbSewell
Comment posted August 26, 2008 @ 2:55 pm

” Because, in the end, you must think for yourself, and you can't evade that work.”
That's exactly what Ayn Rand advocates above all: the ability for one to think for oneself.


Alwin
Comment posted September 14, 2008 @ 9:49 pm

A man born into the street-sweeper caste runs away, hides in the sewer and invents the atom bomb. That's about the size of this bilge. Ayn Rand is supermarket tabloid philosophy. ATLAS SHRUGGED = every man for himself and devil take the hindmost. Life in a jungle rather than in a community. “Am I my brother's keeper?” If you want to know what philosophy is, why not take on something serious like Plato or Wittgenstein. Rand wasn't a philosopher; she was an ideologue, a pop-philosopher. It is deeply disturbing that someone as powerful as Alan Greenspan could be the disciple of this pulp.


Alwin
Comment posted September 15, 2008 @ 2:49 am

A man born into the street-sweeper caste runs away, hides in the sewer and invents the atom bomb. That's about the size of this bilge. Ayn Rand is supermarket tabloid philosophy. ATLAS SHRUGGED = every man for himself and devil take the hindmost. Life in a jungle rather than in a community. “Am I my brother's keeper?” If you want to know what philosophy is, why not take on something serious like Plato or Wittgenstein. Rand wasn't a philosopher; she was an ideologue, a pop-philosopher. It is deeply disturbing that someone as powerful as Alan Greenspan could be the disciple of this pulp.


louis vuitton outlet
Comment posted November 30, 2010 @ 5:55 am

John Allison, CEO of the banking giant BB&T,
A WONDERFUL WOMAN.


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