McCain Urges Surge to Fix What Ails U.S.

By
Tuesday, October 14, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Sen. John McCain (WDCpix)

Sen. John McCain (WDCpix)

Drawing on his foreign policy and military expertise, Sen. John McCain, the Republican presidential nominee, has called for a military surge in America, similar to the one he claims has turned around the situation in Iraq.

“Let’s put 30,000 fine young soldiers on the ground right here at home,” the Arizona senator said. “They won’t even have to leave their loved ones, or fly halfway around the world. But, just as we’ve seen in Iraq, their presence will act like magic to solve every problem here, virtually overnight.”

Pressed for particulars, McCain referred questioners to constant sidekick and adviser Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-Conn.), as soon as the maverick New England politico figures out how to unbuckle his seat belt on the Straight Talk Express and hurry to his side.

The surge gambit was seen by many observers as a last-ditch McCain effort to turn around his sagging campaign fortunes — a perception immediately countered by Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the GOP vice presidential nominee. “You keep sayin’ that,” she burbled, “and my Todd’s gonna come after ya with a grappling hook!”

McCain himself appears to have zero doubts about the efficacy of placing 30,000 stalwart military personnel somewhere in the United States. “I’d put some of them on Wall Street,” he said, “I’d put lot of them in our national parks to protect oil drilling; another bunch in Chicago to guard against terrorist attacks by Sen. Obama Barack’s cronies, and lots of other places.

“The point is to end the current political unrest,” McCain continued, “reconcile the Shiites and the Sunnis, and halt the constant nuclear threats from Iraq and North Korea. And I wouldn’t be surprised if this surge idea of mine ends up with Obama — I mean Osama — bin Laden under lock and key this month!”

This week’s final presidential debate would furnish McCain with an ideal showcase for his dramatic new initiative.

Aides report, however, that his No. 1 priority will be not walking into TV cameras.

Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of “All Meat Looks Like South America: The World of Bruce McCall” and “Zany Afternoons.”

Comments

6 Comments

jc
Comment posted October 14, 2008 @ 11:41 am

Can JM go any further out there?
What is he trying to turn us into, a police state?


checkered.1
Comment posted October 15, 2008 @ 2:25 pm

You gotta love the morons who think these columns are serious. The writer passes himself off as a “humorist” (that's stated at the bottom of the column) and these columns are supposed to be funny. Sadly, they never are.


GrayFeather
Comment posted October 16, 2008 @ 8:43 am

Sorry I don't see the humor in this? Making out someone who would have died for this country out to be stupid, is not funny, just like Saturday Night Live That Todd Palin had sex with his daughters, when is incest ever funny?!


GrayFeather
Comment posted October 16, 2008 @ 3:43 pm

Sorry I don't see the humor in this? Making out someone who would have died for this country out to be stupid, is not funny, just like Saturday Night Live That Todd Palin had sex with his daughters, when is incest ever funny?!


louis vuitton
Comment posted August 7, 2010 @ 10:26 am

these columns are supposed to be funny. Sadly, they never are.


eddy
Comment posted July 4, 2011 @ 1:56 am

Currently, there are a wide range of replica watches available in the market.There is no denying that

buying rolex replica has become a trend in modern society. However, it is not an easy task to find a high quality

replica watches australia especially you a freshman in the related field. You have to collect as much

information as you can about the retailer who you are going to deal with because its credit standing directly influences the quality to the timepiece. Therefore, a few of

guidelines are offered for you to make a right decision to buy Replica Panerai Watches.
replica watches are available as reproductions of all the Series lines, including:
Replica Breitling, Rolex Sea Dweller eplica,Replica Omega Watches and so on. If you know a person who has a favorite

Rolex watches, you will almost certainly be able to find Rolex replica watches made to mirror their expensive creations.Thanks to emergence of replica watches, the ordinary

people are offered a good chance to experience luxury at lower costs. Thanks to emergence of replica watches, the ordinary people are offered a good chance to experience luxury

at lower costs.You should be noticed that rolex datejust are not made by original

manufacturers. They look and feel almost the same with the authentic counterparts but these two versions of items cost totally differently.These imitations offer you a chance to

act like moviestar who is usually the brand ambassador of the designer watches. They are the ideal items for those fashionistas who want to live in style and catch up with the

fashion trends.rolex submariner Instead of burning a hole in your pock
Currently, there are a wide range of Replica Handbags available in the market. You can make easy excess to them

by shopping from your local shops or online. If you are an addict of e-shops, you must have found that on the Internet, replica handbags from China have great popularity all

around the world. When searching online, you will find lots of Chinese shop owners selling this kind of production. Now, buying quality Chinese
Replica Fendi Handbags has become a big trend.

Why do these Chinese replica bags greatly thrive? The reason is simple. Chinese manufacturers put great effort and care to produce these bags, making sure they precisely

mirror the original ones with the same sizes, colors, logo and stitching. From the appearance to the function, Replica Prada

Handbags are made very alike to the branded items. Without special exploration, almost every common people even the bag experts will find hard to spot whether they

are replica or not. They are just as fashionable as the real ones, and will offer the same feeling to the owners.


RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.